Is This The Future OF Gaming??

Review by gamezman305 on Thursday, August 8th 2019

I'm gonna be honest, I don't know what it means for something to be the future of gaming, and I also haven't played this game for more than 10 minutes. But that is not needed, for we have the power of critical thinking and philosophical inquiry on our side today. Now without further ado, I will thoroughly analyze the last game in the One Hit Kevin trilogy. Perhaps there will be more to come later.

Before I start talking about the game, it is important to talk about what caused me to choose this game. Why did I not pick the several other games that I could find on this website? Why did I even play a game on this website? I can't answer that last question. My life might be ruled by reckless impulsivity, but that doesn't feel like a complete answer to the question I previously posited. Now, to redirect back to coherent writing, I will start to answer the big question I would like to tackle in this microcosm of an essay reflecting human identity: Why did I decide to click this game? In order to determine why I chose this game, it is important for us to explore roots of human desire.

It is said that self-control is the denial of short term desires for longer term more fulfilling desires. In the long run, writing this review literally does nothing for me. There are a million different things I could be doing right now. I have friends online in a voice channel, I could talk to them. But noooo, because I am a primitive beast who lacks self-control. A buffoon who decided that he would return to write a review that redefines the metaphysics of sploder hardcore gaming as a whole. The quasi-quantum psuedophysics that govern not only the games that are published to this site, but the fabric of the mind for those influenced by it. Now that I have prefaced my point rather thoroughly, I would like to delve into why I picked this game in particular, and what actions lead to this happening. Because after all, it is foolish to separate the consequent from the antecedent.

It was a beautiful morning in the beginning of august. I sat there contemplating in my room, where I stumbled upon a concept that just wouldn't satisfy my intellectual hunger. This idea, this notion of mine was as follows: does sploder still exist? I was pleasantly surprised to see that, for the most part, it sorta kinda does. I'm pretty sure all the people who were on here back when I was are now on their rocking chairs doing more productive things than write for 2 hours about something which ultimately results into nothing(which is a contradiction in itself, for the something results in itself, and a contradiction can be considered a product). The only problem with going back on to sploder was that my typing skills have become dull over the years. My proverbial beard of knowledge has greyed, and my proverbial face of wisdom has wrinkled. So, I did what any other aspiring individual would do, and I trained my mind. I peacefully debated about gaming on the sploder forums, and it was then that I decided I was ready to tackle this beast of reviewing.

Oh me oh my, I seem to have been sidetracked a bit. But all knowledge and all words, no matter how empty they may feel, do carry some meaning or lack thereof. But a lack of meaning is still a meaning, because those in a perfect scenario can deduce based off of what they do not know. I may not be in a literal perfect scenario, but I am pretty close to matching the definition to the context that I am present in right now. I know that I know nothing of how to properly review a game or do justice to reviews of a game, and so my wisdom shall carry me oh so elegantly through the next paragraph.

The game starts off with the player taking damage. Now this is truly revolutionary. Normally a game would start off by holding your hand and telling you that pushing the up button will cause the character to jump, but this one caters to elite gamers by having a tutorial that speaks for itself. This idea of taking damage is also a multifaceted nuance. For one, it represents the psyche. Knowing that anything will kill me instantly, paranoia manifests inside of the hollow crack in my mind's defenses. Damage at the start is also genius, for the way the damage is dealt is by falling down into a lot of spikes. This is genius in two ways: one, it represents the fall from grace of a once succeeding person who now needs to pick up their feet and retry. Two, it represents how stepping on sharp things hurts, which is accurate to reality in my experience. The game starts with the penguins from mario flying, which subverts the audience's expectations. After all, penguins are creatures labeled flightless. This message requires one to read between many lines, but those who look will find a truly inspiring message. That message being, 'Try'. Conciseness is the best way to alter the soul, after all. Afterwards, the game starts off with the penguins going from one side of the screen to another, oscillating. Now something that I did not understand my first playthrough was that this, too, had metaphorical significance. The sides of the screen represent two spectrums of the unknown. The first is the unknown that can be conquered. The unknown that, with enough time and dedication, can become known. The second is the dark unknown that will never be revealed. But as it turns out by the way the birds of freedom oscillate, these two unknowns are one and the same; there is actually only one unknown. That which one does not know. Now that is some serious stuff.

Now the gameplay doesn't really matter. I don't actually know how to play in this game engine, but that is not the point. For those without self control looking for instant gratification in good gameplay and satisfying controls, look elsewhere. For those who have ascended and want to do some soul-searching to achieve the highest gratification known to humankind, then I would say this is the game for you.

tl;dr