The Unfinished Anecdote Of Zelda

Review by gnashtynas on Monday, January 12th 2015

This first paragraph is notably lengthy, if you are inclined to just get to the meat of the review, I advise you to skip this first paragraph.

'Tis time to celebrate, my lovely readers! We have reached the big DOUBLE DIGITS. Review number ten! I want a promotion, a raise, I want a special stipulation in my contract that gets me free hot chocolate. Nah, I'm just kidding around, though I am Sploder Staff (such prestige I carry), us Sploderian Staff members get no pay, contracts, chocolate. But that is not an issue because the job is a blast! (I embarrass myself, here weeks later I realize that I cannot even count, this was my 9th review, please forgive me) So yes, review number ten will be of The legend of zelda the 3 crystals by coollegojack. I can guarantee you that he is one very happy camper as he reads this. I was reading a review recently just to take a look at others' reviewing styles, and in the comments, coollegojack asked the reviewer to review this game. Not a big deal, of course. He does something that he doesn't know is against the rules, someone let him know that it is against the rules, and it won't happen again. So that's all good. Yet, here I am reviewing his game. Well please, to anyone reading this, do not ask other reviewers to review your game. They do not like it, and it will get you nowhere. With me though, well, reviewing is my job on Sploder. And you make my job a whole lot easier if you suggest game reviews. So I am not telling you to ask others to review your games, instead I am telling you who TO ask to review your games. Ask me, because I will be sure to take a look at it, and I just may add it to my review queue. But again, please do not do it to anyone else. With all of that out of the way, let's get things started in here.

The legend of zelda the 3 crystals is a PPG by coollegojack that I believe actually was boosted with the most points ever as of now. As a result, it actually has over 1,000 plays. Does it deserve them? No. It isn't a very good game, however, I will use this review to give coollegojack some insight into its flaws so that he can improve as a game maker, and then we all win, because I know that this creator could seriously step his game up. That is a compliment to your potential, not an insult to your current state.

The first level of this game really turned me off to it. At first, I met utter confusion as I just saw an enemy and felt completely enclosed. I soon found a wall to spin through, though this wall should've been more noticeable. As it was, it simply looked like lazily done level making, not a passable door. The rest of the first level was very unexciting, and the objective was also poorly done. You were not told what you were looking for to pass the level, and the item you have to touch to win looks remarkably like a dog tag, so it resulted in unnecessary confusion.

The second level of the game contained the only boss, which is peculiar. It was extremely standard an unexciting. The only thing that made it slightly challenging was that the controls were more slippery. I believe the fight took place in an icy chamber, so I will attribute that gameplay change to that. If that is indeed the case, I suppose that is passable, though I would've liked a challenge caused my more creativity rather than slippery controls.

As soon as I laid eyes on the next level, I was shocked. The graphics up until now had been okay. Everything looked like it could be in some sort of Zelda game. This level though, was filled with weird looking teenage boy characters that absolutely did not fit and immediately killed the theme. That was a huge decision-making blunder. This level was also far too easy and short.

After the very small amount of content I just mentioned, the game effectively ended. It was very poorly designed, far too easy, far too short, far too unoriginal, and far too boring. I mean, you're playing as one of the world's most famous swordsman and you can't even use his sword! That just screams boring. Within this game though, was some sort of game-making skill. You can make a good game, coollegojack. This wasn't it, but you can get there. Try making this sort of thing again. But take more time, be more picky with your graphics, plan it out a little more, and stick to your theme like gum to a shoe. Do all of that, and when you do, let me know. I will be happy to take a look and give a review. I believe in you.

The Wrap-Up

The legend of zelda the 3 crystals is an undercooked experience with nothing eye catching or special about it. I didn't talk about it yet in this review, but the thumbnail is unexciting and the title sounds like something I would have spat out years ago while writing some sort of childish fan-fiction. Nonetheless, it is a game that shows some effort. It's not challenging or exciting, and not worth playing. It is so short, also. It is not deserving of the legend word in the name. It should be The Unfinished Anecdote of Zelda the 3 crystals. Hah. I am not here to make game creators feel godly and great, but instead, I want to give a creator a good push of motivation. And here it is. You got your review, coollegojack, now go and earn your review. I know you can.

Rating: 8.537/100

I use a super-secret and amazing formula in order to rate games, check it out!,371010.msg4449809.html#msg4449809

Feature Worthy: No, it is not fun.

Did you like this game? Check this one out!

If you like bad Zelda games, you gotta play this one. Why? Because it is the first in a series of 30 of them. That's right, I said 30. Have fun.


The legend of zelda the 3 crystals Reviewed by gnashtynas on Monday, January 12th 2015. The Unfinished Anecdote Of Zelda - A game review written by gnashtynas for the game 'The legend of zelda the 3 crystals' by coollegojack. Rating: 0.5