[SGCA] Goin' Off The Rails On A Crazy Train

Review by lumberjay on Thursday, December 27th 2012

Moolatycoon and I are some of the biggest Zelda fans on Sploder, so it was only a matter of time before he released a PPG based on the hit franchise. Fan-fictions on Sploder are very easy to find, as one could see from the plethora of games involving Mario, Justin Bieber, Pokemon, and of course, Legend of Zelda, but where does this game fall on the spectrum of Fan-fiction games? Shall this be a failed attempt or a boon to Sploder Games? Could it be Lackluster or Blockbuster? Read on my friend, and learn about Legend of Zelda Prince of Darkness.

Story has always been something that is expected from a Zelda game, but can be relatively hard to carry out on the PPG. Going from the title of this game, Ozzy Osbourne is touring in Hyrule, and Link has bought tickets to a sold-out show. Link of course lives in a very adventurous part of Town, so he has to fight his way through dragons, octorocks, and knights in a series of dungeons before he can get to the Temple where the Prince of Darkness is performing. If my sarcasm hasn’t seeped through yet, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but the Oz-Man does not actually make a cameo appearance in this game. In fact, there really isn’t much of a story at all, other than subtle nuances of your sword being stolen, and having to slay some powerful monsters before an epic battle with Ozzy- I mean the Prince of Darkness. Story may not be the most significant aspect of a Sploder game, but it does help to have some sort of drive in your quest to slay an entity you know nothing about. Is he being evil because it’s fun? Did his mother never love him as a child? Does he want to rock Hyrule into Oblivion? You decide, as there really is nothing wrong in inventing your own adventure.

Now before I go on, answer this question: Why do you really want to play a Zelda game? You may answer “The epic adventuring in a beautiful world.” From there, I’ll pat you on the head and feed you a nice biscuit, but prepare to be disappointed, as that is something that does not appear in the game. Of course, complaining about something that is almost impossible to create on the PPG is rather ridiculous, even when I am guilty of guilty of the same crime, but that’s what I’m here for. Moola did his best to make the scenery appealing, but in my truthful opinion, it’s rather bland and uninteresting, although on the plus side, it is really only prevalent in the first two levels. Instead of adventuring, ther is backtracking. Now backtracking is something that I don’t particularly care for, as it seems like a lazy way to progress, even if it is well executed. If I told you to run to the local supermarket to buy a opener, in order to open a can in your house containing a shopping list, it doesn’t appear to be a very adventurous experience and seems a tad excessive. To place it in more realistic terms, take a can of soda, shake it repeatedly, open the can and let the sugary explosion commence. Now you are probably thinking “why would I do that?” Because like this game, it seems exciting at first, but in all honesty, it just leaves you with something wasted, like time… and soda.

What is a Zelda game without puzzles? If you are about to say anything but “an abomination,” you are going to experience a great pain in your head, as I will be bashing your skull in with the Megaton Hammer. Puzzles may not be fit for most people, but if you consider yourself a Zelda fan, you should expect them, even if it is as simple as moving an out of place block to get a door open. Needless to say, Moola did manage to incorporate some puzzles into his game, ranging in difficulty and ways to solve depending on specific items. The puzzles were rather simplistic in the earlier levels, but as I progressed, they either got more challenging, or didn’t appear at all, leaving nothing but backtracking segments. Unfortunately, I was able to bypass some of the puzzles entirely, with a little intuitive thinking, resulting in shorter completion time, so that was a plus.

Fun, fun, fun… Fun is a term that I loathe, as I am sure those who have read my previous reviews have noticed. I am a hardcore Zelda fan, as well as a chum of Moolatycoon, so I am afraid of my opinions sounding biased either from not wanting to defecate on a Zelda game by Moola, or from refusing to put the proverbial pig on its well-deserved pedestal, simply from not wanting to sound like I am over-glorifying a game. Anyway, yes I did have fun, but the incessant backtracking really put a damper on my experience. I understand that Moola was trying to make deliver a nice Zelda adventure, but his attempts led to an unappealing concept that really acts as a thorn in the side, taking up large quantities of time and trying my patience like no other. In short, play this game as soon as possible, provided you have the time, as you may become dust before you complete it.

[SGCA] Occasionally bites the heads off of keese.