[EGD] Pyromaniacs Make The Best Lovers.

Review by meowmeowfurrycat on Saturday, August 9th 2014
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Click to play Bullseye

Bullseye is a game created by stormfall

(Note: I was commissioned to write this review quite a while ago, but somehow never got around to it. Sorry, Stormfall.)


Either Stormfall�s games have been crafted so as to appeal to the higher tier of game players (e.g., me), or he is under the impression that we the people of Sploder enjoy exploding and/or dying multiple times in less than sixty seconds.


If that sentence was difficult for you to understand, I�m basically just saying that Bullseye, a shooter game entered into EGD 8, is incredibly difficult. The moment Bullseye finishes loading and you see the mass of mangled polygons, you know something bad is going to happen. But the �Click to play� button is so shiny, so beautiful . . . it�s calling you . . . you just can�t resist. And when you click to play, you realize that Stormfall has not quite upheld his end of the bargain. You did your job well, soldier. You clicked just as you had been trained to do. But Stormfall? He cheated you. For what you get in return for clicking is nothing more than having your character literally be simultaneously paralyzed and electrocuted for the whole five seconds that it takes for you to die and reload the page and begin the cycle anew.


So basically, Bullseye comes with a lot of pain and death and more pain. On the other hand, the reward for getting past the first part (which I eventually figured out how to do) is feeling incredible. HELL YEAH! I DID IT! I CONQUERED THAT SEQUENCE! I AM THE KING/QUEEN/GENDERLESS RULER OF THE WORLD! I AM A FREAKING GOD!


And then you�ll most likely die again.


And again.


But the first part of Bullseye is the hardest -- after the first two sequences, it�s short and sweet. The rest of it is good clean fun old-fashioned running through acid and murdering your enemies. It�s still hard enough to keep you on your toes, but it�s not an impossible-to-figure-out puzzle or a sequence that must have been created while the game maker was on drugs. Original? This part wasn�t, especially. But it was sweet, sweet fun.


(spoiler alert)


There is, of course, one part where a switch is hidden behind an obstacle, is impossible to see, and basically just put there to frustrate the players. I mention this only because it was the worst part of Bullseye: it disrupted the gameplay that would otherwise be flowing so smoothly. I absolutely hate things like this. They bleep and deserve to be killed because they are mean. That is all.


(okay, feel free to keep on reading now)


I actually really enjoyed the scenery in this game. It wasn�t the most elaborate, but there�s something about the color white that I really like. Back in the old days, we didn�t have all that fancy stuff. We didn�t have any unique polygons, we only had like three different enemies, and actually, we liked it that way. And the white playfield, if not the rest of the game, brings back the feel of cleanness and pure gam-playing.


Until you die, that is.


--Meow