More Painful Than ACTUALLY Stepping On Them.

Review by npc10000 on Tuesday, February 24th 2015
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Click to play The Dangers Of Legos

The Dangers Of Legos is a game created by epicosauruss

Hey, this is npc10000 here, and you know what? Sploder is a really cool place, no joke. Through the use of a few game creators with varying levels of creative outlets, anyone can express their ideas and share them with an online community. It can be an intriguing story, some beautiful graphics, a brilliant new concept, mind-bending puzzles…the list goes on and on. The tools are at the disposal of the game maker.




And it’s a revelation like this that reminds me as to why SOME PEOPLE shouldn’t be ABLE to express their ideas.



Epicosauruss I know as a good forum member and a good game maker, for the most part. As of now, he holds two (and hopefully soon to be three) MS badges. Recently he put one of these badges to effect and reviewed my most recent game, Necrosis. Seeing how this was done on his own accord, and given my rather sparse Reviewer record myself, I decided to return the favor and review his most recently featured game, The Dangers Of Legos.



Which brings me back to my revelation.



If I asked Epicosauruss how he would express his creativity on a website that allows you to make anything as limitless as your imagination, he would reply:



“STEPPING ON LEGOS!”




And thus, this game was born.



Now, if you’ve never stepped on a Lego® brick before, it really freaking hurts. Personally I haven’t had any really painful experiences with them, but I know people who have, and I can definitely understand why it hurts so much. A small, solid plastic piece with sharp edges would do some serious damage.



Epicosauruss decides to show, in game form, just how much stepping on Lego® bricks hurts.



He succeeded. Beautifully.



If by succeeded, I mean he made it about TWENTY-FOUR TIMES AS PAINFUL!!!!!



WHAT THE FLYING FLAPDOODLE is up with this game????? I mean, Jesus Bunny-Licking Christ! What is the point??? What is the aim??? To show you that Legos® hurt when you step on them??!! Yeah, thanks, Epic! Thanks for pointing out that TOTALLY UNKNOWN FACT, and in GAME FORM no less!!! Epic is obviously some kind of sadist, because he somehow thinks it’s funny, or amusing, or at least worthy of making a game, to send some poor random soul bouncing off spikebed after spikebed and getting kicked around by Broccoli Heads. That’s not entertaining in the slightest. That’s awful!



The Dangers Of Legos consists of unforgivable puzzle after unforgivable puzzle, all revolving around one central theme. I’ll let you guess in the form of multiple choice as to what that theme is.


A: ISIS Persecution of Christians in the Middle East

B: Inhumane slaughtering of sharks for their fins

C: Malaysian Airlines Flight 370

D: Spikes

E: Mercury leaks in urban waterways


If you guessed Choice B, then you are bleep stupid, because the game consists solely of…spikes. Wooden spikes, metal spikes, and as if Broccoli Heads weren't enough, even those Cyclops thingies have spikes! It’s like some deranged acupuncturist’s fever dream. Every step you take you risk being tossed around mercilessly like a rag doll. And that’s another thing…these wooden spikes seem to defy physics itself. Every time you touch one, you are quite literally ROCKETED several feet in a random direction. It’s like the spikes temporarily suspend Newton’s Laws of Motion just for laughs. And 80% of the time, when you’re launched in said random direction, you end up flopping around on MORE spikes. You end up losing all your health in about four seconds.



And if, by some miracle, you land on a patch of soft ground…a Broccoli Head has to punt you off the cliff and you end up up to your ears in MORE SPIKES!!! The game relies on troll logic and unfairness to survive. It feeds off your rage like a succubus feeding off the carnal desires of a man.



Have you ever seen the movie Tusk, starring Justin Long? Yeah, I wouldn’t recommend it unless you were, say, 15 or above. But in context of this review, what you have to know about that movie is that it was all a joke. A dumb joke, a suggestion by a couple of fans that ended up getting produced and marketed to the silver screen. The Dangers Of Legos is just that – a silly idea that, through the availability of Sploder, managed to get created, published, and featured.



There is no point or purpose to The Danger Of Legos. It is just an orgy of failure and rage and utmost contempt. The game was intentionally made excruciatingly difficult. It is right up there with the likes of Cat Mario and Unfair Sonic.



Now, after reading that huge wall of negativity, you may expect me to darn this game to Hell, figuratively. Well, aside from the fury this game produces….it’s not that bad. It’s a clever idea, an entire game consisting of spikes, even if I said before it was aimless. Those random text boxes that pop up suggest that the game isn’t meant to be taken seriously (though a stress-induced hernia SHOULD be taken seriously). The puzzles, despite their annoyance, are unique, and do give the game an element of substance to it. Playing it, I wish that an alternate version could have been made on the Physics Puzzle Maker, or, Hell, even the Platform Game Maker. Graphics and colors could have been utilized to give the game that Lego® brick feel to it, kind of like that colorful sense of fun you saw in The Lego Movie (got snubbed at the Oscars, what a shame).



But is it a good game? Not really. It got featured probably on concept alone. The rest of the game is just plain stupid, and infuriating. Unless you are either looking for a good game to make a reaction video akin to Markiplier or PewDiePie, or if you’re looking for an intense challenge, then I wouldn’t recommend this dumb mess to anyone.



PROS:


- Cool puzzles

- Fresh, funny concept



CONS:


- Extreme difficulty

- No point for it to exist

- Untapped potential (refer to my comment about the Physics creator)





FINAL SCORE: 4/10


 
 


The Dangers Of Legos Reviewed by npc10000 on Tuesday, February 24th 2015. More Painful Than ACTUALLY Stepping On Them. - A game review written by npc10000 for the game 'The Dangers Of Legos' by epicosauruss. Rating: 2