My Experience With Minecraft

Review by sticki on Monday, November 6th 2017

Hello boys and gentleman, this is my review of a game I recently played. Like most of you, I am in love with this game. Listen, I browse sploder every day in search of a game that I know will be crowned as the greatest on the website. It is my dream to one day be responsible for bringing attention to a game that would become the author�s trampoline to stardom. I would be glad to make that game myself, but I don�t believe in my abilities.

I discovered this game when a group of individuals were criticizing the feature it had received. Initially, I went into this game with a closed mindset, only believing it could be bad as a result of the disapproval being shouted across the forums. As soon as the first level loaded though, I was literally blown away. I fell out of my chair and hit my head on the floor. Unconscious, I laid passed out for who knows how long, only dreaming about this game. As soon as I had awoken, I sat back up in my chair and awoke my PC from sleep mode. I looked back up to the title of the game and the creator.

Minecraft by Boytucker.

Shifting my eyes back to the game itself, my chair started to tip again. This time I caught myself before hitting the floor. I started the game, and my eyes had trouble focusing on what I was looking at. That might�ve just been the superfast mode the creator had set in place though. Nevertheless, the detail was something extraordinary. Never before had I seen such a beautifully crafted canvas in a sploder game. I finally pushed down on the right arrow key and a tree spoke to me. He warned me about an enemy up ahead, so I was alert as I moved forward. I did not trust the tree though, I�ve had a bad history with talking NPCs on sploder lying to my face. Luckily though, this tree was on my side. There actually was a very bad man waiting in front of my house where my father waited for me. I parkoured over the evil man and took an alternative route into my home.

Inside, my father posed a challenge for me. There was an intruder upstairs, and my father needed my help to defeat it. He jokingly questioned my ability to defeat the monster, but to nobody�s surprise I defeated the foe quickly. I found the father character to be unlike the cliche parent you encounter in most games of this sort. He was rude and did not care about my love shown throughout only the first level. To my shock and despair, he disowned me!

The next level is one of the most brutal gaming experiences I had ever had. I was forced to murder my father with his own weapon. Accompanied with an unsettling soundtrack, this level is not for the faint of heart. I don�t have much to say about this level, besides the fact that it left me in tears and intensified my depression.

I was taken to jail for the murder of my father. Willingly, I entered my cell and prepared for spending the rest of my short life inside of a metal box. After what seemed like forever, I found a hidden switch. I made sure none of the guards were looking, and with the force of a thousands tigers I stomped on the switch. Above me, a hidden passageway opened up. I began to dance my way to freedom until I encountered the same monster from the first level. The beast that created this entire situation, the one and only. With my father�s rifle, I executed the foe. For the first time in this game, the only emotions I felt were happiness and relief. I entered a nearby escape pod and wondered where I would end up.

To my surprise, I found myself walking on the surface of the moon! I wasn�t given even a second to enjoy myself though, because a grotesque creature approached me from my right. My curiosity was instantly turned into fear, and I realized that I would die on the moon if I didn�t find a way out quickly. I found a door and paid the admission fee using the crystals I collected on the moon.

Getting tired of ending up in exotic places, I wasn�t surprised when I found myself face down in sand. I got up and squinted while my eyes adjusted to the sunlight. As soon as I was able to view the world normally, I was hit by a sword! Priates! They gave chase, and I tried my best to avoid them without starting conflict. I eventually found out that the only chance I had of going home was to defeat the three priate leaders. I accepted the challenge and entered their floating island.

As soon as I entered their territory I was hit from every angle. It seemed like there was no hope for me, and I grasped onto life. They were far too strong for my pellet shooters, and fighting back would have been futile. As the monsters beat my body into the sand like dough, I couldn�t help recognizing the biggest of the three to be my father. I felt stabbing pain all throughout my body. Never before had I felt anything so agonizing, and the monsters were showing no signs of mercy. I started to cry out, not as a result of the pain, but because of the realization that I would never be able to beat Minecraft by Boytucker.

I couldn�t accept my fate, there was no way I would go out like this! With every ounce of energy in my body, I brought myself onto my feet. The priate overlords were surprised. They stepped back and started to laugh at me. The biggest one made a remark that enraged me. I cannot recall what exactly was said, but I knew then that he betrayed me. I pulled out the monster�s rifle that I had acquired earlier, and I then executed him with his own weapon for the second time. Before he took his final breath, I walked on top of his motionless body. I knelt down and whispered into his ear �You are no father to me,� and with that he was dead.

The other two pirate overlords were in awe. Their jaws were dropped, and when I looked back at them I was humored to see them begging for mercy. I laid my father�s rifle on the sandy surface of the island, and walked up to the pathetic beasts. I smiled. They smiled back with tears staining their faces. Before they could change that expression, their heads rolled off of the island�s surface with their bodies following.

I stood in the middle of the island, wondering if it was worth the trouble. Was it a good idea to escape from jail, or to defy my father�s order? When I recalled the abuse my father had put me through, the lack of care he had shown me and the murder of my mother, I decided that this journey was worth the trouble.

I laid my sword down on the ground and took off my armor. I hung the tattered and worn armor on my bloodied blade, and I never saw another weapon or suit of armor again. I built myself a boat using the trees and bushes on the island and began to take the long journey home. I fell into a deep sleep on the boat and dreamt of the journey I had just concluded.

Then I woke up in a hospital bed. My mother and father were holding my hands, and a doctor was frantically writing things down on a clipboard. When I hit my head before starting the game, I never woke up. The doctor explained to me that I was supposed to never wake up, that the coma was too extreme for a full recovery. It was a miracle that I had awoken after five long years.

I went home. I saw family members and friends that were married, people that had continued their lives while I lie in bed, stuck in time. I would never recover mentally, socially or physically. I was doomed to fail in life, I missed far too much to be able to live a normal life, all because of Minecraft.

I went home. I opened google docs. The year was 2023. I began writing this review, and as soon as I finished I used the deluxe wayback machine to send this review back into time.

Was this game feature worthy?

Yeah, I think it was.