YOU CAN'T SILENCE ME

Review by meowmeowfurrycat on Tuesday, February 23rd 2016
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Click to play Battlefields

Battlefields is a game created by achievement

is something that the protagonist of this game (Battlefields by the ineffable Achievement) might yell as s/he is ripped apart by his/her enemies. And here's the thing: although this is a game, on a site intended primarily for kids, I'd like to give you all an important message. And because I love writing (and have no other talents) I'm going to deliver that message in the form of a story, interspersed with my actual review of the game.


There once was a young man who went to war. Not with a nation, nor even against a slightly smaller jurisdiction of land: nay, he fought for his freedom and against the tyrannical rule of the government.


Battlefields starts with the player surrounded by enemy gates. Essentially this means that if you're not an expert at the shooter creator you will die immediately. Why? Because achievement is mean.


The leader of the government (R. C. were his initials, and he refused to be called anything else), although he seemed wise enough when he assumed his position of power, quickly proved to be deaf to reason.


So after you (somehow) get out of the annoying start, you're led through a path and you get a bit of exposition. The text reminds you that war is bad and even literally says "war kills many people." Duh?


R. C. didn't like excitement, and so he banned colors and he decreed that anyone who even MENTIONED a color would be sentenced to death. ("Huh?" was the collective response. "Everyone already knows what a color is! How will that help?")


Then you're out in the open. And to his credit, Achievement did a nice job of applying the "exploration" genre to Battlefields. There's quite a few paths to take, and not all of them are necessary to win the game.


One day, the previously aforementioned young man was depressed because his girlfriend dumped him. So he said to a friend, "Ugh, I'm feeling pretty blue today."


The response from the government was swift. He was taken to court � without even a chance to defend himself � and sentenced to death. "You have committed a heinous sin," R. C. told him, grinning smugly through his neckbeard. "By saying the name of a color, you could prompt little kids who don't know what colors are to Google it! And then they might find color and then someone might have FUN! Your crime is unforgivable."


I do, however, take issue with the traps. There's a couple instances where, after spending a good ten minutes on the game, it's possible to make a tiny slip up and lose completely. Ew.


"That doesn't even make sense!" he protested, though he knew it was in vain. "You're saying the word 'color'! Someone who doesn't know what a color is could Google THAT and find the same thing!"


"I'm sorry," snarled R. C. as he drank a keg full of salt, "were you arguing with me? I see you've been arrested for jaywalking before and as a dangerous criminal why would you know ANYTHING about what a law is? Get out."


Other than that, Battlefields is surprisingly fun. There's a good mix of enemies, enough space to kill them in (or die yourself) and although there isn't as much opportunity for exploration as might be ideal, nobody's perfect. Except for me.


�You're wrong,� he said through his tears, �and you KNOW you're wrong and because you don't have the balls to admit it, you're going to kill an innocent person!�


R. C. smiled grimly. �Take him away,� he told the guards, and the next sound was the snap of a guillotine and a scream.


A week later the people realized how fed up they were and overthrew the government. R. C. was killed in the battle.


Battlefields is a good game. It's not great, but it utilizes the robot creator quite admirably, taking advantage of the slow speed and powerful weapons by putting them in an environment where they can shine.


What's the moral of this story? Is there even one? Maybe, and maybe not. But try this one: there's a good guy, and there's a bad guy, but in the game of war, EVERYONE loses. #MakeLoveNotWar


(see you in six months. all the best, meow)